Tips and Tools


Have a Healthy Relationship

There are lots of things you can do to be a better boyfriend or girlfriend. Most of it starts with treating your partner the way you would like to be treated.

Listen (Really Listen): This doesn’t just mean being quiet when the other person is talking. You really need to listen to your partner. Listen for what he or she is actually saying. Think about the words and don’t interrupt.

Tell the truth: No matter what the situation always tell your partner the truth. If you always tell the truth, your partner is never going to catch you in a lie. And, telling the truth, builds trust.

Don’t try to fix everything: Often your partner just wants to tell you what they are feeling. They just want you to “be there for them.” You don’t have to fix everything. Just be supportive.

Do things your partner wants to do to show you appreciate them and what they want to do: Relationships are about both giving and receiving. That means doing things your partner wants to do as well as the things you want to do. And, it never hurts to ask, “What would you like to do?”

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes: Every once in a while ask yourself, “How would I feel if I was in the other person’s shoes?” Would I feel respected, trusted, liked and loved? This is a very important question to ask yourself when you’re deciding what to do.

Be clear about what you say: Just as guys often get accused to not listening, girls are often accused of not being clear when they talk with their partners. Some girls say, "I shouldn’t have to tell my partner what I want. If he/she cares about me they should just know.” If you’re not communicating clearly don’t be surprised if you’re not getting what you want.

Have a positive attitude: It’s especially important to have a positive attitude when your partner does something different than you would like. Before you start being negative and correcting the other person, ask yourself—“How important is it?” Nobody likes a complainer.

Stick up for yourself: You’ll be a better person if you are clear about what you want and don’t want --- what you’ll do and not do. In this way you are being a better friend to both your partner and yourself.

Don’t gossip about your partner: Think before you tell your other friends private things about your partner. Everyone shares stories about their friends. But you may be crossing the line if you start sharing private that could embarrass your partner. If your partner isn’t your friend maybe it’s time to end the relationship.

Don’t do things just to make him/her jealous: There’s harmless flirting and then there’s doing things to control your partner by showing them how ready you are to leave and find a new love interest.

Don’t be a cheater: If you’re in an exclusive relationship, be exclusive.


Sex Talk Scripts

Practicing what you want to say now makes it easier to know what to say when things heat up. If your partner asks you to do something you’re not ready to do, you’ll know what to say and how you want to say it. It also helps if your partner tries to persuade to do something using information you know isn’t true. Here are some statements that young people often hear. Most of them are intended to trick the other person into doing something they are not ready to do. So, here are the statements and some responses you can use when you want to say “Not Now”.


“You would if you loved me.”
Response: “There are other ways to show our love. I’m not ready.”

“But, I love you. When you love someone, it’s the right thing to do.”
Response: “If you really love me you’ll respect my feelings and my right to say no.”

“Everybody does it. Why are you so special?”
Response: “Not everybody. Not me. It’s really important for me to wait until I decide I’m ready.”

“I need you. I have to have you now.”
Response: “If I can wait, so can you.”

“You did it for (name of a person). So, what’s wrong with me? Do you think you’re too good for me?”
Response: “I don’t talk about any other partner I’ve ever had and I decide when and if I want to have sex. It’s not about you.”

“If you don’t, then I’ll find someone else who will.”
Response: “If that’s all I mean to you, that’s what you’ll have to do. I’m not ready yet.”

Here are some other statements used to try to persuade their partners to have risky, unprotected sex.

“Don’t worry. I’ll pull out in time.” Don’t believe this line. You can get an STI or get pregnant before the guy cums. You can even pregnant if the semen is near the vagina but not in it.
Response: “That doesn’t work for me. If you won’t wear a condom I can’t feel safe. It’s wear a condom or we can’t have sex.”

“I’m allergic to condoms.”
Response: “There are two kinds of condoms latex and non-latex. No one is allergic to both. You’ll have to get the one that you’re not allergic to. I can wait.”

“Partners who are committed to each other don’t use condoms.”
Response: “I’m not going to take the risk. We’d both need to be tested for STIs and then be committed to not have sex with anyone else if the test shows we are both free of STIs.”

“You got me hard and now my balls are hurting. If you won’t let me have sex with you now, it’s going to injure my body. ”
Response: “That just isn’t true. I talked to the nurse.”

“I don’t have a STI and you’re on the pill. So we don’t need a condom”
Response: “The only way either of us can tell if we have an STI is to get tested. You can’t tell by looking and I’m not going to take a chance and neither should you.”

“Oops, I forgot to bring a condom with me.”
Response: “I don’t have sex without a condom. So, it’s not happening tonight. But there’s other ways to be intimate.”